Things My Mother and I Argue About
1. Meaning of the term boyfriend.
“What do you mean by Boyfriend? Is it any different than a friend? I don’t think so. So, while you are ‘dating’ this guy, why don’t you meet these men from shaadi.com?”
(This is when I chew my hair in frustration and storm out of the room.)
2. Legitimacy of living-in relationships. Mainly because she didn’t like Priety Zinta’s dressing sense in the movie Salaam Namaste.
“Priety Zinta looked so bad in the movie! The whole concept of Living-in relationships is just absurd,” she would say.
3.Threading upper lip: according to my mom, women who don’t get their upper lip threaded or waxed, and, choose to keep an ugly looking mustache, are morally superior to women who do. Don’t ask me why.
4. When she points out that Linking Park, Evanescence and basically all Rock singers are constipated.
5. Her thinking that even one glass of wine makes a person an alcoholic. (NO, it does not!)
6. The notion that people who keep pets are sociopaths from another planet. Mainly because she thinks that all dogs are rabid and all parrots cause some exotic diseases. The only animal she thinks one should and could normally keep as a pet- is a cow.
7. Her constant zeal to be positive all the time! I mean- All. The. Time. (Neither possible, nor cool.)
8. When she says that people who get bored are those who fail to like their own company. (Ugh! Boredom is a legitimate emotion that anyone can become a victim of! It does not make me a devoid of personality types!)
9. Times when she has to watch her Hindi TV soaps just when I am watching my “International Terrorism since 1945″ on Fox History.
10. When she calls International Terrorism as one of the most perverted TV shows ever.
11. Asking me to leave everything that I am doing (especially when I am in the middle of a very important call or reading a book) and immediately be in the room where she is watching TV only to discover that she wants to show me some saari that a character in her soap is wearing.
12. When she forces me to watch her Hindi TV shows because “they give you a good sense of romance and fill you up with optimistic feeling”. (As opposed to Hollywood movies that are depressing, abominable, and come straight from hell.)
13. When she says that the script of one of her TV shows is intellectually equal to (or sometimes even better than) Bertrand Russel’s Philosophy of Numbers.
“Philosophy, in most cases,” she would say, cutting-off an intense discussion between Dad and me,” is useless.”
14. When she says that my love for Astrophysics is precisely the reason why I am still single, and, that I can’t get married unless I hide my telescope between those million bedsheets she buys every year.
15. Her notion that all Hollywood movies are made by psychopaths.
16. When she insists that I should go to work wearing pigtails to stimulate hair growth.
17. When she tells me that I can beat Aishwarya Rai in looks especially when I am bloated, have an allergic rash on my entire face and look like a Hippopotamus. (I mean, I am freaking 28! I can take the truth, dammit!)
18. When she argues that gay people choose to be gay because they get bored of being heterosexual.
“I don’t believe in gays. Huh! It’s all a fad. You see that youngsters aren’t very patient with their relationships these days. That is why they are choosing to be gay.”
19. When she insists that Americans are responsible for spreading “homosexuality” in the world.
“You see, it’s only Americans that talk abut homosexuality. There were no gays in India before Indians started following Americans. It’s all America’s fault. That is why there are more gays there than anywhere else.”
October 2, 2010 at 05 , 10
You have a nice blog. But I disagree on the points 18 and 19. I guess you can similarly argue that on every action you take in your life, you did have a choice. If you say a person chooses to be gay, what matters more is the factors that led to that decision. Americans talk more about homosexuality, cause of excessive social liberties being enjoyed by them in their country. I guess gays have always been part of our population (if you look at India’s history), and even make a mention in out mythology. Its just that Americans were the first movers of this agenda in eyes of the whole world.
December 31, 2010 at 12 , 12
Hi Ankit! Thanks for stopping by. You see, it’s true that what we do in life is our choice, but there are some things in life that we don’t (or rather can’t) choose. e.g., you cannot choose to breathe from your armpits and you cannot choose to walk with your legs. Now, as much as my examples sound irrelevant here they have a point. And the point is that some things are choices that nature made for us. Sexuality, as much as the research says, is one of those choices that nature made for us. Homosexuals, as much as we can trust on their word, did not choose to not like someone of opposite sex. Naturally, their orientation is such that they are not attracted to the opposite sex. And attraction is never a conscious decision, it’s subconscious and is more instinctive. Instincts usually are said to be driven by subconscious biological imperatiive.
First of all, no one can spread homosexuality because it isn’t a disease. And second of all, just because someone talks about something does not mean that they are spreading it by making people aware of it. It’s just what many state governments in India think- sex education will tell our innocent teenagers about sex.
December 31, 2010 at 01 , 12
Yeah, this wasn’t about spreading homosexuality. I guess that is more about exploring other options. How do you explain the existence of bicurious ppl?
I think, that there are many heterosexual people, who once given a chance(socially) to be gay as well, will surely tend to enjoy that liberty. The world is not so straight as to have a clear distinction between gays and non gays. Its all about a fine line, that separates the two.
Our state governments are stupid because on one hand they talk about freedom and liberty (as in law) and on the other hand they are afraid to let individuals do what they really want with their lives.(because of the society)
December 23, 2010 at 07 , 12
hilarious!!!
Even i’ve heard point 8…
Nice…